The Resurrection of Carson Beckett
by Myriadragon
Summary: Written for BiteMeTechie as a companion to her story When Plot Bunnies Attack. The Sues will never let the doctor die...


**Author's note: **_Okay, there are five million other things I should be doing, but I'm doing this instead because it's more fun. This was written for BiteMeTechie's hilarious story _When Plot Bunnies Attack_, in which she called for someone to write a story detailing the resurrection of Dr. Beckett. Elizabeth Bartlett has already written one, but I feel like posting mine anyway, so go check hers out, too (and, obviously, _When Plot Bunnies Attack_). I hope you all like it, and that 'Techie likes it, too!_

_Side note: after having a long debate with myself about whether it was Atlantis' or Atlantis's (I mean, technically, it is a name from the classical world…), I went with my instincts and chose Atlantis'. _Eats, Shoots and Leaves_ (my punctuation bible) is most unhelpful in matters of science fiction…_

_For those of you who are too lazy to go read the story, I don't know if this'll make much sense without it, but here's a rough summary:_

_Plot bunnies have invaded Atlantis, along with an army of Mary-Sues. The latter have subjugated Atlantis' chief doctor to so many glomps he has been reduced to a vaguely-Carson shaped blob of abused, dead flesh. BUT HE IS ABOUT TO BE RESURRECTED…_

**Disclaimer: **Stargate: Atlantis _belongs to MGM. The Bunnies, Bunny Busters, Sue Goo, and the basic idea of all this madness belong to BiteMeTechie. I do, however, own Mirabelle, Princess, Jax, Zip, Trinalia, and the concept of Pink, Blue, and Cotton-Candy Sues. Although you're welcome to use them if you mention my name…_

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**The Resurrection of Carson Beckett**  
_By Myriad_

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"They're gone!"

Two figures snuck out to the alcove they'd ducked into when Lenny had stormed past. The first, a short, slim, curvaceous young girl with waist-length curls the color of sunlit honey and large, luminous blue eyes, rushed to the remains of Atlantis' doctor and fell to her knees by his side.

"Oh, _Carson!_" she wailed, throwing herself across the mutilated body.

"Oh, for Chrissake," said the other figure. She was tall, slender, and well-muscled, with bright blonde hair cut in a spunky bob and piercing, emerald-green eyes. "It's _your kind _who did this to him, you know."

"How dare you!" shrieked the first girl, sitting up and glaring at her companion. "He just wasn't prepared for so much love, that's all," she cooed, tenderly stroking what might have been the remains of the good doctor's forehead.

"You've got blood all over yourself, you know, Mirabelle" the tall girl informed her coolly.

Mirabelle looked down and wailed again. Blood and bits of Carson were smeared across her fuchsia bustier and magenta mini-skirt, not to mention her bare midriff and arms. "Nooooo!"

"Bloody Pink Sue," the tall girl muttered, grabbing what she thought was Carson's shoulders. "You get his feet."

"I _heard _that, Jax," the Pink Sue sulked, seizing the other end of the doctor's body. "And I'd rather be a Pink than a _Blue_."

"At least I've never 'loved' someone so much I killed him," replied Jax, whose gray cargo pants, navy racing tank, and subtle makeup—a sharp contrast to Mirabelle's sparkling lip gloss, glittering eye shadow, and spangled mascara—proclaimed that she was, in fact, a Blue.

"Why do you want to bring him back, anyway?" squeaked Mirabelle as they heaved Carson's remains onto an operating table in the infirmary. "You don't appreciate his beauty. Ooh, I think I chipped a nail!"

"Oh, stop being such a baby, Mirabelle," the Blue groused, digging in her pack. "If we don't revive him, he can't save me when I nearly kill myself heroically saving Atlantis from the combined forces of the Goa'uld, the Replicators, the Ori, and the Wraith."

Mirabelle shuddered, reaching a hand up to stroke the Plot Bunny on her shoulder, a fluffy white creature mostly obscured by the large pink bow around its neck. "I don't understand you, Jax. All those guns and bullets and loud noises…" She shuddered again. "Why can't you just be content to look pretty and have all the men fall desperately in love with you?"

"Some of us prefer to _earn _the unending affection of others," Jax replied. "Zip, move. You're on my Glock."

The midnight-black Bunny glared at her and hopped over to what was probably Carson's left ear.

"Princess, go sit with Zippy," said Mirabelle. The white Bunny took its position on the other side of the lump they were assuming was Carson's head.

"Don't call him Zippy," said Jax, still rummaging in her pack.

"But it sounds so much _cuter _that way," Mirabelle replied. Then she frowned. "Are you sure we don't need Trinalia?"

"Believe me, the _last _thing we need is a Cotton-Candy Sue," Jax muttered. "Besides, I've got something better."

"What could be better than Trin?"

"_This_," Jax replied triumphantly, holding up a tiny, glowing jar.

Mirabelle gasped. "You have _Canon Goo?_" she demanded. "Can I touch it?"

"_No,_" said Jax forcefully. "Here, take your stuff." She tossed Mirabelle the Pink Sue's Essentials—a large pink jar, a curling iron, a gaudy engagement ring, and a bag of spangles. Her own pile of the Blue Sue's Essentials held a large blue jar, a pair of dog tags, a fancy _katana_, and a custom-modified Glock.

Mirabelle unscrewed the lid of her jar. "_What are Pink Sues made of?_" she intoned, smearing the contents on Carson's chest. "_Bright pink Goo and lots of love!_"

Jax added her own Blue Goo to the body. "_What comprises sharp Blue Sues? Self-sacrifice and Goo of blue!_"

Mirabelle wrapped a strand of the doctor's hair around her curling iron, slid the engagement ring onto his finger, and sprinkled her spangles in the Goo on his chest. Across from her, Jax slid the chain of the tags over Carson's head and placed the _katana _and the Glock in his hands.

"Now for the most important part," she said, unscrewing the lid of the final jar. The Goo inside was shimmering silver-copper-gold with bits of glowing white.

"_Make me now his loving wife!_" said Mirabelle.

"_Save me from medical strive!_" called Jax.

"_BRING DOC BECKETT BACK TO LIFE!_" they shouted in unison, adding the Canon Goo to the mess on his chest. "_Bunnies, BITE!_"

Princess and Zip chomped down hard on Carson's ears. His body began to convulse as pink, blue, and gold lightning bolts raced across his skin. There was a blinding flash, and the Sues were thrown away from the table.

When their vision returned, they found the air thick with smoke and bits of glitter.

"Christ, Mirabelle, did you _have _to use so many spangles?" demanded Jax, coughing.

"Proper sparkle coverage is essential for complete resurrection," Mirabelle said loftily. She rushed to the operating table. "I think it worked," she whispered.

"He's completely healed physically," Jax agreed, joining her. "But what about mentally?"

"Carson, honey?" Mirabelle crooned, touching his shoulder. "How do you feel?"

The doctor opened his eyes and screamed.

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**Post note: **_Aww, poor baby. I think I'd scream, too._

_I hope the Pink/Blue Sues made sense. I've noticed that there are a couple different kinds of Sues—the girly kind who automatically enchants every male they encounter (that'd be the Pinks) and the super-kickass-ninja kind who's the best fighter in the universe and dies/nearly dies saving the canons from a hideous death (the Blues). I tried to convey that in their personalities, their clothes, and their Essentials, but who knows how well that worked. Oh, and the Cotton-Candy Sues are the worst kind—a cross between Pinks and Blues, they're gorgeous-super-kickass-ninja-babes who automatically enchant every male they encounter AND die/nearly die saving the canons from a hideous death. They were just a little too much for me to handle, so I left them out, except for the mention of Trin._

_If anybody wanted to write a story about the feud between the Pinks and the Blues, I'd read it…hint hint…(-grin-)_


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